Dear Congress,
I told myself I wasn't going to write this letter. And then, for some reason, I am writing it. My wife doesn't listen to me when I tell her not to buy new pairs of shoes all the time so why would I listen to myself? But I digress, because digress is such a fun word.
I am a father of three girls. Being the only male in the house, my life is like being in some World War I trench on the western front every day. I try to teach my kids about love and respect and working with each other to share and resolve their problems without arguing. This can be very difficult with the 5 and 7 year olds and don't even get me started in the trials and tribulations of raising a teenager!
I consider myself an American patriot and am opposed to censorship. I also believe in being educated and knowledgeable with what is going on in Washington. With that said, how can I teach my kids about government while also being a good parent and teaching them to find peaceful resolutions when our representatives do nothing but argue, call names and fight. On top of it, you use the rules of our great republic to do wrong against each other.
Members of congress, this isn't a Republican OR Democrat problem. It's a Republican AND Democrat problem. American is not happy with it. It drains a person's energy to watch and brings morale down.
I offer a solution, however. Much of America works for companies who routinely send their employees to team building events. The last one I went to was at Dave and Busters and we all had fun getting to know each other better. Maybe members of congress could all go camping and try some zip lining. Learn to work together. In the long run you'll have fun, make friends and become more productive. Good luck!
Signed,
Tim
Friday, October 18, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
An Open Letter To Christopher Columbus
Yesterday was Columbus Day in America. While I would be happy to accept any holiday pay had my company offered it, I do not celebrate this holiday. Perhaps an open letter to Mr. Columbus himself will help you realize why...
Dear Mr. Christopher Columbus,
While sailing three vessels that do not have GPS, luxury bedrooms and radar across the ocean to the Caribbean was an amazing feat, some credit has to be given to the crew who supported you as well as the queen who financed your trip. Without them, there would be no enslavement of the peaceful Arawak people. You should not take all the credit.
I do not come to you to complain, however. I offer a solution. Yes, I realize that what's done is done, but going forward you may want to heed my advice and not be so egotistical.
There were three ships, which make you, technically speaking, an admiral. Quite frankly, this is something you should have played up more. Also, you should have branded your expedition. Perhaps having Richard Branson sponsor you so you could sail under the Virgin Atlantic flag. Sir Richard Brason, a respected adventurer as well, is a brilliant business man and marketer. If you'd done this, our holiday may have been called "Virgin Slave Campaign Day." Instead of people now protesting you solely, we would be speaking of the Virgin brand, which their legal and marketing staff could take care of.
And speaking of slaves, is it really necessary to cut off a man's ears AND nose before you sell him in to slavery as a punishment? History would have forgotten this whole incident if you'd simply sold him off without defacing him (no pun intended!).
If you'd had a corporate sponsor, these PR nightmares could have been avoided and their lawyers would have kept you from having to return to Spain chained up like some dirty Indian.
Mr. Columbus, if there is such thing as reincarnation then please don't make these mistakes again.
Signed,
Tim
Dear Mr. Christopher Columbus,
While sailing three vessels that do not have GPS, luxury bedrooms and radar across the ocean to the Caribbean was an amazing feat, some credit has to be given to the crew who supported you as well as the queen who financed your trip. Without them, there would be no enslavement of the peaceful Arawak people. You should not take all the credit.
I do not come to you to complain, however. I offer a solution. Yes, I realize that what's done is done, but going forward you may want to heed my advice and not be so egotistical.
There were three ships, which make you, technically speaking, an admiral. Quite frankly, this is something you should have played up more. Also, you should have branded your expedition. Perhaps having Richard Branson sponsor you so you could sail under the Virgin Atlantic flag. Sir Richard Brason, a respected adventurer as well, is a brilliant business man and marketer. If you'd done this, our holiday may have been called "Virgin Slave Campaign Day." Instead of people now protesting you solely, we would be speaking of the Virgin brand, which their legal and marketing staff could take care of.
And speaking of slaves, is it really necessary to cut off a man's ears AND nose before you sell him in to slavery as a punishment? History would have forgotten this whole incident if you'd simply sold him off without defacing him (no pun intended!).
If you'd had a corporate sponsor, these PR nightmares could have been avoided and their lawyers would have kept you from having to return to Spain chained up like some dirty Indian.
Mr. Columbus, if there is such thing as reincarnation then please don't make these mistakes again.
Signed,
Tim
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)